Thank you, phone, for freezing while i talk to attractive people.

This right here is why I usually stay off tumblr. that and I only just figured out how to work the queue.

This right here is why I usually stay off tumblr. that and I only just figured out how to work the queue.

When I want to feel like an anarchist, I put 90 seconds on the microwave instead of just 1:30.

Twas the nizzle before Christmizzle, when all through the hizzleNot a creature was stirring, not even a mizzle; fo shizzleThe fitteds were hung by the homies with care,In hopes that St. Nizzle soon would be there;The bitches and hoes were all snug in their beds,While visions of bling-bling shined in their heads;My bitch with her swag, and me in my do-rizzle,Had just settled down for a long ass nizzle,When out on the stoop some bitch came around,I sprang from my crib, to knock this fool down.Awizzle to the window I flew like the Flash,Tore open this bullshit and threw out the trash.The moon had her fine titties glistening on the snowDamn son, now I gotta clean this up too, yo,When, what to my wondering eyes should appizzle,But a nice ass stretch, and eight fine ass hoes,With a fly old pimp, steppin from the weed fog,Woah, hold up nigga, mothafucka’s Snoop Dogg!Faster than shots in a bar his homies they came,And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;“Yo, Dasher, Pole Dancers- Prancer and Vixen!Yo, come on, Comet, Cupid, Donna and Blitzen!To the windows! to the walls!Now run bitches! Run bitches! Goddamn y’all!”He lit up that joint with a flick from his Bic,You know he’s one to puff-puff good shit.But I heard him shout, ‘fore he flew outta sizzle,“Merry Christmizzle to all, and to all a good-nizzle.”

Twas the nizzle before Christmizzle, when all through the hizzle
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mizzle; fo shizzle
The fitteds were hung by the homies with care,
In hopes that St. Nizzle soon would be there;

The bitches and hoes were all snug in their beds,
While visions of bling-bling shined in their heads;
My bitch with her swag, and me in my do-rizzle,
Had just settled down for a long ass nizzle,

When out on the stoop some bitch came around,
I sprang from my crib, to knock this fool down.
Awizzle to the window I flew like the Flash,
Tore open this bullshit and threw out the trash.

The moon had her fine titties glistening on the snow
Damn son, now I gotta clean this up too, yo,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appizzle,
But a nice ass stretch, and eight fine ass hoes,

With a fly old pimp, steppin from the weed fog,
Woah, hold up nigga, mothafucka’s Snoop Dogg!
Faster than shots in a bar his homies they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Yo, Dasher, Pole Dancers- Prancer and Vixen!
Yo, come on, Comet, Cupid, Donna and Blitzen!
To the windows! to the walls!
Now run bitches! Run bitches! Goddamn y’all!”

He lit up that joint with a flick from his Bic,
You know he’s one to puff-puff good shit.
But I heard him shout, ‘fore he flew outta sizzle,
“Merry Christmizzle to all, and to all a good-nizzle.”

222 notes

If I ever become super famous, I will take pictures with fans and post them to imgur/reddit with the title “I went to a premiere and look who took a picture with me” as if I was the other person and see if anyone notices.

ih8tomhiddleston:

corncobmcgee:

If I get elected president, every citizen shall receive their very own choice of a Tom Hiddlebot or Benedict Cumberbot. Also a Broken promise.

I want absoLUTELY none of these, thank you very much.

Alright. I’ll make you a special person-bot. I aim to please all.

8 notes

If I get elected president, every citizen shall receive their very own choice of a Tom Hiddlebot or Benedict Cumberbot. Also a Broken promise.

8 notes

My Girlfriend does not know how to understand jokes

What if-

What if they had cast Jim Carrey as Walter White?